Bittersweet
by curls21
Summary: Bella faces something new for the first time in her immortal life: grief. One-shot.


AN: This story was intended as a one-shot of this scene. I like it. I wanted to see a moment when Bella finally realized the impact of becoming a vampire. I decided to continue this story, but the story needs to go back some. I am not going to take this chapter down. I'm sorry it's out of order, so either think of it as a flash-forward in the story, or a preview of things to come. Sorry if this is confusing.

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

Bittersweet

I arrived late and hid in the shadows, so that no one would notice me. No one could see me. I looked across the room. There in the front I saw the open casket. I always knew this day would come, but now it was here, I was so unprepared. I had been warned so many times by Edward while I was human. It was not until today that I understood the magnitude of my choice. I would remain young, while those I knew and loved would leave this life behind. How inappropriate that I stood hidden at my father's funeral, unable to show my grief. I wished I could sit up front with the family, to mourn my father's death. Edward once told me that vampires feel emotions stronger than humans. The pain that consumed me was stronger than any pain I had ever felt in my life, mortal or immortal. The irony was not lost on me. Although my body was flawless, I was unable to do want I wanted to do the most, to shed tears for my father. How I longed to cry, to feel moisture running down my cheek.

I looked around the room, and saw familiar faces. Most of Forks came to the funeral, after all, Charlie had been police chief for over twenty years. Edward had warned me not to come. Our family was against this. It was to risky, Edward told me. How would it look if someone saw me? I still looked eighteen while everyone in the town of Forks aged seventeen years. This did not matter. I had to come. I had to say goodbye to my father.

I looked at the front, where the family was seated. Sue sat on the front pew, her children Leah and Seth on either side of her. She married my father later in life, but she loved him completely. Her grief was beyond tears. This was her second funeral she attended for a man she loved. Sorrow was written across her face as her children held her hands, silently supporting her.

And then I saw her, in the row behind Sue. My beautiful daughter. She sat there completely alone. This was her first experience with death. I could see tears sliding down her cheeks. She had cut off her long, beautiful brown curls that I loved so much. Her hair now fell right past her shoulders. It was different, but she still was incredibly beautiful. She did not look like a little girl anymore. I did not take her seriously when she was growing up. She wanted to become her own person, and not follow the path that our family assumed she would take.

I thought about the last time I had seen her, she had been so angry with me. While she was gone, I realized she was right. I always saw her as my little girl, and never acknowledged the woman she had become. The whole family treated her like a child. I'll never forget that last fight we had, the night she ran away. The hurt in her eyes shocked me. How could my little angel, my darling little girl, become this way?

I went to her room to apologize the next morning. I wanted to give her the night to calm down, and talk things out with her in the morning. I loved her, surely she would understand. I know I had made mistakes, but we could work this out. Her room looked the same as it always had been. Her bed was made, her favorite books were lying on the table by her bed. In the corner were her beloved CDs. Pictures covered the walls. Some were of our family, most were of her and Jake. She had always been so lovely. On her desk was a framed picture of her and Charlie when she was five, after she had caught her first fish. Charlie was proudly looking at her, and she was grinning from ear to ear. I sat down on her bed, looking around the room. The sun peaked in through the window, and I saw a sparkle in the corner of my eye. There was the locket I had given her so many years ago, lying in the trash. She never took that locket off. That's when I knew she was gone.

I was devastated. All I could do was replay the argument in my mind. Her words echoed in my head over and over. Edward said we should just give her some time to cool off. She would calm down and come back home. The only person who felt her loss as much as I did was Jacob. Jacob loved our daughter more than his own life. The words she said to him cut him deeply. The pain in his eyes mirrored the pain in my own. He recognized the truth that the rest of our family did not. She was not coming back.

Charlie called me two days after she ran away. She had run to Charlie. She was asking to be called Carlie now. She was abandoning every reminder of the past she had with her family. I should have known that would be the first place Carlie would go. Carlie loved her Grandpa Charlie. Looking back at the mistakes I had made, I knew why she loved him so much. The whole family treated Carlie like she was perfect. No one could live up to the expectations that we set for Carlie. Charlie was the only one that treated her like a seventeen year old girl. Charlie was her base of normalcy, in a life surrounded by the supernatural. He understood her better than anyone else. He saw what we failed to see. He saw she only wanted to be normal.

His quiet consistency in her life was gone. Charlie had been there for her, like he had always been there for me. For the first time in my immortal life, I questioned my decision of becoming a vampire. My life was a constant charade, constantly moving to avoid exposure. I would remain here on the earth while those I had loved left this life behind. I not even cry to mourn the death of my father.

The funeral was over. Sue and her children went toward the front to greet people. I could hear them express their condolences. My eyes were on my daughter. Carlie walked toward the casket. I could see the tears streaming down her face. She leaned toward Charlie and whispered something I could not hear. Then she kissed Charlie on his forehead and walked out of the room.

The funeral home was now empty. I walked slowly towards the casket. I had to say goodbye. I opened the casket, and looked into my father's face. He looked peaceful. I reached for his hand. It was now the same temperature as my own hand. How I wanted him to open his eyes, to look at me and smile. I wanted to hear his voice again. This would be the last time I would ever see him. There were so many things that I wanted to tell him. How much I loved him, how I knew he always loved me, how thankful I was that he took care of my little girl for me. I would never get to say these things to him. All those wasted moments flashed before my eyes.

I turned and saw Edward. Of course he would have followed me here. There was pain in his liquid topaz eyes. He held his hands toward me. Words could not describe how much I loved my husband. I knew he had forgiven me for leaving without telling him.

"He always knew," Edward said.

"Knew what?" I asked.

"Charlie loved you very much. He knew you were happy with the choices you made. He always knew how much you loved him. Don't ever doubt that."

Edward wrapped his arms around me. I knew my choice may have been bittersweet, but it was the right choice.


End file.
